Chaos On Serenity

Diary Of An Off-Grid Homesteader

Category: Spirituality

What Drum Are You Beating? Find The Rhythm Of Peace With These Three Simple Tools

Most of my life, until about five years ago, peace was something that I never actually felt. Only, I didn’t realize it.

In fact, I thought I was pretty happy. I had a job, a mate, cute kids and fun friends. I had a social life, and a supportive family. Yet, I also had unchecked ‘voices in my head’. You know, those worrisome fear thoughts that run a constant loop inside your brain?

Cloaked in the rhythmic rehashing of past or future events, my incessant internal musings went something like this: Why did I say that?, Why did I do that? or, even more profound, why did I wear that?

If the thoughts weren’t specifically about me, then they were about everyone else. I can’t believe she said that, or he better not do that again.

If I wasn’t stewing over what had happened, I was fretting about what was to come. Seldom was I ever truly present. 

No matter the specifics of the thoughts, they were all pretty much saying the same thing: I’m not good enough, nobody likes me and, of course, the classic, I’m a terrible mom.

Basically, without actually being aware of it, I was telling myself a story and believing it. I was beating the drum of fear. I’m not good enough… I’m not good enough… I’m not good enough.

The problem was, I was living in the past and the future. I was never in the Now.

So what? Well the past is full of regrets, woulda’s and shoulda’s. Even if it’s full of the best times of your life, it’s still the past. Done. Over. Time to move on and live.

The future is full or worry, uncertainty, what-if’s and what-wills. Even if its full of exciting projects on the horizon, spending your Now day dreaming about the future has it’s limitations. The only time we really have is Now.

It is said that humans have anywhere from 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. The interesting thing about this statistic is we are not having 70,000 new thoughts every day. We are actually repeating the same thoughts every day. Even every hour and even every minute. Over and over again. Beating the drum. I’m not good enough… I’m not good enough.

Before I had a practice of staying in the Now, these voices literally took over my life. They were me. They were my story and my identity. But they are not real. Ultimately, they were just thoughts.

Yet, I had no awareness that it was my thoughts that were creating my peace or lack of it. I assumed it was my circumstances. If things went according to plan and everyone followed my script, then I was happy. If things didn’t, then I wasn’t. And, true to my Taurus nature, if I’m not happy,nobody gets to be happy.

So, what changed? Well the first thing is, I became open to something new  and began to seek answers. With authentic desire and a humble spirit, God brought me some new tools for peace.

Tool #1: Get Out Of Your Head

Get out of your head and stay in the Now. This means when you catch yourself in the loop, jump off and pay attention to This Very Moment. Shake off the what-if’s and what-will’s, the shoulda’s and coulda’s, and Be Here Now. The difference between how I feel when my head-stories are interrupted by my pesky children’s endless wonderings versus how I feel when I am fully with them in the Now, answering their questions and discovering life right along with them, is remarkable. Life is meant to be lived in the moment.

Tool #2​: Breathe

Peace is all about rhythms. Choosing the rhythm and pattern of peace is a daily, hourly, minute by minute practice. In the Angel Communions of the Holy Essenes, it says: “Breath long and deeply, for thy rhythm of the breath is the key of knowledge which will unlock the secrets of the Holy Law.”

Essentially, the breath is the connection between the physical realm and spiritual realm. It is the Angel of Air, messenger of God, and provides immediate access to God, which is Peace, which is Love. Anytime I feel myself losing my peace (and decide I want it back), I always first and foremost go right to my breathe and practice deep, intentional breathing.

Tool #3: Let It Go

We have to be willing to let it go. We have to be willing to redirect our thoughts. Instead of picking apart every little thing that did happen or might happen, just let it go. This takes practice, constant diligence and a choice. We choose to let it go. When it comes back up (you’re not good enough), banish the thought, come to the Now, breath deep, and let it go. Breath In… Breath Out… Breath In…

Beat A New Drum

So with these three tools, I have learned to beat a new drum, to find a new rhythm. The drum I choose to beat these days is the drum of I am a powerful creator and everything is always working out for me. Sometimes, I even beat the drum of I’m a great mom. When I make mistakes, I don’t rehash them 70,000 different ways every day. When other people make mistakes, I try not to take it personally, I let it go.  I breath… I breath… I breath. I jump off the loop.  I find a new rhythm. I choose peace. I choose to Be Here Now.

How To Become An Enlightened Christian In Five Fearless Steps

I grew up in a typical Christian home. My siblings and I were all involved in various church activities and my parents talked often about God and Jesus, albeit from a strict biblical perspective.

Most of the time we considered ourselves Methodists, though we did get a little wild for a few years as Pentecostals. By my teen years, we had settled into one of those huge mega-churches. You know, the kind with stellar music, fancy-pants coffee stations and zero risk of having to talking to someone you don’t know?

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My Three Dads!

Anyway, having grown up with some very clear definitions of what it meant to be saved (hallelujah!), what the trinity was (three dudes in one, man), heaven and hell, sin, etc., I always struggled to be a ‘good’ Christian girl. I mean, I didn’t struggle so much as in actually trying to be good. That just wasn’t my style. But I did struggle with the shame that came from being a sinner, especially a woman sinner, (burn her at the stake!)  and deep down I struggled with not feeling so great about the  “You were born a sinner” slogan.

To be honest, there were more than a few things I didn’t buy into. For example, we have in the old testament an enraged, war-hungry, rather fanatically jealous God, obliterating entire villages of innocents, desiring sacrificed blood, and gifting out virgins to his favorite followers.

Then Jesus comes along for a little while and things seem to get better (especially if you can read between the lines) but as soon as he is offed, we go back to getting all our advice from another ego-maniac patriarchal slave-supporter, otherwise known as Paul.

And then there is this business of the all-male, Holy Trinity which is at the core of evangelical Christianity. We are told to believe we, as children of God, are the offspring of three males in one, no females needed. It would seem the whole of nature reflects otherwise, yet I suppose infallible is infallible. I mean, hey, who am I to question divine inspiration?

Step One: Ask For Help

Yes, I knew my bible facts. Unfortunately, rather than compelling me to claim Jesus as my Lord and Savior, they were repelling me. Something wasn’t right. I was actively seeking. I wanted, I desired, I craved to understand this God thing. The infinite energy that creates worlds pulsed in me, yet I could not claim it. It was a time of despair, it was a time of loneliness, unhealthy relationships, financial struggles.  I desired intensely to know God, to connect to something bigger than myself, but I was failing to do it in the context of mainstream Christian doctrine. I began praying earnestly for a mentor, thinking that a wise Christian woman would be able to sort it all out for me.

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Step Two: Relax and Let Go

And then something awesome happened. God brought me my mentor, in the guise of my best friend.  After (another) argument with my (at the time)  beau, I ended up having a rare and impromptu sleep over at her house, She introduced me to something different, something called “The Law of Attraction” by Abraham Hicks.

Oh, I was resistant at first. My old belief system was whispering, “this is the devil’s work”. When she told me it was channeled material, I almost suggested we hold an exorcism right then and there. But my mentor, wise sage that she is, told me to relax and just be open to the message, without judging it.  So I did.

Step Three: Be Here Now

Driving home with my kids the next morning, I felt noticeably better. Something had clicked. I understood more about the mysteries and the mechanics of the Universe than had ever been taught to me before. I was beginning to play around with the idea of being a ‘vibrational being’. I decided to pay attention to how I felt, noticing the contrast between feeling good and feeling bad, and choosing to think thoughts that felt good. I recognized how I was always in my head, rarely in the moment. So I decided to be in the moment with my kids, enjoying our Now for what it was. A major breakthrough had been made.

Step Four: Release Fear

From then on, things were different. I finally had ‘ears to hear and eyes to see’. As I scoured through my mainstream bible, I began to put together little clues about what was missing (deliberately edited, perhaps?).  Rather than seeking answers outside of myself (the bible, a preacher, my dad), I could trust my own intuition – provided it was not clouded by fear and doubt. I was empowered.  I began to work on releasing myself from fear-based thoughts and opening myself up to trusting the larger part of me that vibrates with unconditional love, the same vibration God holds, that ultimately is God.

Step Five: Collect Your Jewels

Now I allow myself to question freely, to pray for clarity,  and to trust the evidence as I come across it, whether it be an ancient text or an absolute inner knowing.  I am learning to shake off the fear-based lies of my traditional Christian roots, the ridiculous claims and ego-centric imposters,  while treasuring the many shining jewels of Truth. I have merged these jewels with new ones of my own discovery and feel incredibly confident and at peace that I am finally on my way to understanding God and by default, my own inner being.

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